Newt's note
by ElianaLisa
Summary: What if Thomas decided to read the note just before they left Newt in the Berg and entered Denver? One-shot


**What if Thomas decided to read the note just before they left Newt in the Berg and entered Denver?**

Thomas was hesitatingly following the others out of the Berg. He didn't like the idea of leaving Newt behind, but he knew they couldn't take him with them. The second he'd enter the city, they'd notice. Thomas gnawed on his lip, his footsteps slowing down. What if this was the right time to open the note? Newt said he'd know, but he didn't have a clue.

"Hey slowpoke, what are you doing?" Minho called.

Thomas hadn't realized, but he'd come to a complete stop. Doubt was infiltrating every corner of his mind as he wrung his hands, trying to decide what to do. The others were also stopping and Brenda said:

"Come on, Thomas, if we stay out here much longer, they're going to get suspicious!"

Thomas made up his mind.

"You guys go ahead. I'm staying with Newt for a few minutes."

Everyone opened their mouths to protest, but Thomas cut them off.

"Look, I need to do something before we leave him, alright? Don't worry about me, just go ahead and tell the guards I'm coming a bit later, 'kay?"

Jorge looked at him disbelievingly.

"What has gotten into you hermano? You're acting as if you're not going to see Newt again. Just come with us and everything will be alright."

Thomas shook his head. He had decided. No matter what they said, he would stay here, even if it was for a couple of minutes, he would read the note and talk to Newt. Brenda took a step forward, but he could see that she didn't have a lot of faith.

"Thomas, please don't do this. Who knows what'll happen when you enter the city later? You don't even know the full cover story, what are you even going to say?"

Thomas stood his ground.

"Then tell me the cover story. I'm not going with you before I've done this."

Minho shook his head in exasperation.

"You've got to be one of the biggest shuckfaces I know. But alright, it's clear that you're not going with us and we obviously can't get it through your unbelievably thick skull that it's going to be risky. Jorge, tell him the cover story and we'll go."

Jorge reluctantly told Thomas everything he needed to know and they all said their goodbyes.

"I'll see you soon, don't worry about it", reassured Thomas.

He watched them nearing the gates. When they were far enough, he pulled the note out of his pocket. He unfolded it and stiffened when he read it.

KILL ME  
IF YOU'VE EVER BEEN MY FRIEND  
KILL ME

Out of everything he had been prepared to read, it hadn't been this. How could Newt want this? Did he want to leave this world that much? Suddenly, it struck Thomas and he let out a gasp. Newt didn't want to go crazy. He didn't want to live his last days as an animal, as someone that couldn't tell right from wrong, with only violent thoughts as company.

Thomas felt like collapsing. What should he do? He couldn't kill Newt, he wouldn't. But then what _would_ he do? Try to talk Newt out of it? Would that even work?

Thomas took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. No matter what, he would talk to Newt. He walked back to the Berg and entered, preparing himself for an awkward talk.

When he entered the Berg, Newt looked up in confusion and worry.

"Tommy? What are you doing back? Where are the others? Did something go wrong?"

Thomas smiled weakly and found that his eyes were suddenly wet.

"No, no, the others are just going ahead, I decided to stay behind for a bit."

Newt got up and walked towards him.

"Tommy, is everything alright? You look like you're going to cry and I'm not one for heart-felt moments."

Thomas snorted. Of course he would say that. Shit, what was he even supposed to say?

"I read your note", he blurted out.

Newt's worried pose made place for a statue. His eyes widened and he staggered a step back.

"Are you-", he swallowed, "Are you going to do it?"

This time, a tear escaped from the corner of Thomas' eye. He smiled a weak smile again and was happy to see that his tears blurred his vision, so he didn't have to see Newt's expression.

"I don't know, Newt, I don't _know_. I don't know what to do, what you expect me to do, what I'm supposed to say! I don't know anything and I-", his voice dropped down to a whisper, "I don't want to lose you."

For a second, frustration marked Newt's face, but his features soon softened.

"Tommy, if you don't do it right now, I don't know if I can hold on much longer. You're going to lose me anyway, and I don't want it, but I don't want to die as one of those Cranks."

Thomas took a step back, shaking his head.

"I can't, Newt." His voice broke. "You know I can't. I- This was a bad idea. I should just go."

Now Newt's eyes flashed with anger and he took a large step forward, right into Thomas' personal space.

"Oh no you don't. You don't get to do that. I trusted you with this note, and now you're going to do it."

He took his gun and handed it to Thomas.

"Just, please, make this quick."

Tears were streaking down Thomas' face.

"Newt, this is crazy, I can't-"

"Crazy?! You want to talk crazy?! If you don't do this soon enough, I will go crazy! And look at me Thomas, can't you see I already am?! The longer this conversation goes on, the more I lose control of myself."

Newt took Thomas' hand and put it against his head with the gun.

"I want _you _to do it. Not anybody else. I trust you Tommy. Please."

Thomas closed his eyes. Tears kept leaking out of his eyes and he felt like a baby. He needed to be strong for Newt, hell, Newt was the one giving his life and here he was, sniffling like a small child.

"I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too", Thomas choked out.

"Now do it."

Thomas pulled the trigger. He didn't open his eyes when the shot rang through the Berg, didn't even peek when he heard Newt's body hit the ground. The only time he opened them was when he heard a small whimper.

Thomas looked down, horrified. Newt was laying at his feet, in a small pool of blood that was quickly growing. His eyes weren't shut, weren't even glazed over, they were looking at Thomas with so much pain in them and he couldn't look away.

"Tom-my."

O god, no. Newt was still alive! Because Thomas had closed his eyes, the shot hadn't been lethal immediately and now Newt was still suffering. Thomas dropped to his knees next to him and pulled his head in his lap.

"O god, Newt, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Newt took deep, rasping breaths and choked out: "Tom..my, hurts."

Thomas was sobbing, tears were dripping on Newt's face as he cradled his head with his hands.

"Shhh, Newt, shhh, you're going to be okay, shhh."

"Tommy, I-"

Newt never got to finish his sentence. His last words hung heavy in the air, and Thomas knew he didn't deserve to be Newt's last words. Still sobbing, he stroked the hair out of Newt's face and closed his eyes with quivering fingers. He tilted his head back and screamed, screamed out his sorrow for the whole world to hear, except there wasn't a world anymore, there was only Newt's body laying on his lap and his blood on his hands.

After an hour, Thomas stood up. He wiped the wetness from his face and took a shuddering breath. He was ready. WICKED would pay for this.


End file.
